I always told that I was so cute as a child. But I was also chunky (my words)
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| That is me on the right ( : |
I was never tiny by any means. Me and my sister are the complete opposite. She has a 28 inch waist. That is something I will never have and I am OK with that. We are just built different. She is very tiny and small boned. Built to be small..I on the other hand..I am not small boned.
We spent a lot of time with our grandparent as children and as with most grandparents we were fed till we could eat no more and whatever we wanted and I do mean WHATEVER..
I have memories of going to Kmart and getting a red icee and my brother would always choose a hot rod car. But no I always chose the sugar laden drink.
I would always choose food over toys..Are you kidding??
I was the chunky girl all through my school years..There were times that my mom would try to put me on a diet. I would come home from school and she would have a plate of fruit and veggies waiting for me. But that did not last long. I even went to a WW meeting with my grandmother. I don’t even know what age I was at that point. I always knew I was overweight. When you are that young you really don’t care and back then there were no magazines with Miley Cyrus on the cover of 17 to point out how fat I was. At least I was not reading them..
By H.S my hormones had kicked in and my day consisted of vending machine junk food or taco bell for lunch. I was taking a class off campus and every day on my way home I would stop at Taco Bell for lunch. I slowly started to pack on the pounds. I am sure I was not the only one to notice. My mom had got us both a membership at a local gym. The only thing is I was the only one going. I actually enjoyed it. I was taking a step class and for the first time in my life I was actually losing weight.
By my senior year I was wearing a size 11/12 and the only reason that I know that is because I was in a work study class and we all had to have uniforms. I remember picking mine out at Dillard’s. It was a size 11/12 dark purple skirt suit. Being a size 11/12 when most of your friends are a size 3/4 at this point was a noticeable difference. But there are times in my life I would be happy to be back there.
After HS I met and married my now husband whom I have been married to for almost 13 years.
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| Yeah I know hard to tell that I weigh over 200 Lbs..But I just love the pic..( : |
I was at my smallest when we met. I would say probably around 150 and when we married 2 years later I was at my heaviest. Just over 200 pounds. I remember after I had gotten engaged which was on January 10 1997 I had said that I was going to lose a bunch of weight before I walked down the aisle. The exact opposite happened. I think with all the stress of planning your own wedding and all..
For the last 13 years I have stuck to the same weight..It has gone up and down by about 15 pounds with illness and such.
There are only a few times over the years that I lost a substantial amount of weight but even then I was not trying.Two times that I remember most..One was about the time my brother was married. I want to say 6 years ago. I dropped down to the 180’s for no apparent reason and was not on any kind of diet.The other time was around Thanksgiving about 5 years ago and the same thing and about the same weight.
I have never been one to sit down and eat mass quantities of food. I think that I eat just like anyone else.I am not a binge eater. But I also don’t eat really healthy. Or I should say..I did not use to.I have even had my own stints with veganism or vegetarian. But over time I would become more of a carb addict so I reverted back to eating meat.
In July 2004 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I don't think that this increased my weight. At times it may have helped me lose weight when I was not trying. Finding out that you have a disease that you will have to live with for the rest of your life was hard on me emotionally and I am an emotional eater. So I would not be surprised if at the times I put on a few pounds. As to how it effects me now?? I have fatigue really bad that makes it really hard for me to exercise the way that I would like to.
In July 2004 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I don't think that this increased my weight. At times it may have helped me lose weight when I was not trying. Finding out that you have a disease that you will have to live with for the rest of your life was hard on me emotionally and I am an emotional eater. So I would not be surprised if at the times I put on a few pounds. As to how it effects me now?? I have fatigue really bad that makes it really hard for me to exercise the way that I would like to.
I have had my thyroid checked and all seems to be fine. As a matter of fact at my most recent Neurologist appointment she mentioned checking my thyroid! I just have to assume that I have a very slow metabolism.
Now I am far from perfect. I have my faults and SUGAR is one of them. Pre healthy eating I could sit in 2 evenings and eat and entire bag of starburst and we are talking the big bag.
Over the years I have had similar addictions that just switch from one thing to the next. Once I find the next best thing I would switch till I got tired of that.
My most recent was honey and I even had to stop eating it for a while and what would you know..As soon as I did the following week I dropped 2 pounds after a 4 week plateau
I do not want any food to have control over me. So I have added it back in. I am doing much better with it and at this time don’t have any foods that I am addicted to.
For years me and my husband had this Mexican restaurant that we use to go to all the time. We had not been in months and recently went for lunch. The oddest thing happened. I no longer got the high off of eating there that I use to. The food no longer tasted as good to me. It was no longer this food that I craved. All it was is food on my plate. Which I could make and get anywhere.
My biggest food issues may be the very fact that I don’t eat enough or at the right time. I go all day and not eat and then at night I am starving and I over eat. Or I get really tired and I can’t sleep and I eat all night.
I am also an emotional eater. I eat if I am sad,angry,lonely and tired. You name it!
So I definitely have food issues that I am working on.
I got fat for a reason and it was not because I ate a healthy 1200 calorie a day diet.
For once in my life I want to be able to go into my closet and grab whatever and know that it will fit. Because everything in that closet is of the same size.
I am so sick of my closet and my clothes defining who I am or whether or not I am going to be happy. I am not quite sure why it has taken me 35 years to figure this all out or to get this fed up.
But I guess we all have to start somewhere.
