I guess because in a way it has! Almost a FULL week!
It has been a rough week on all fronts..
I did not bake during the holidays because I was right in the middle of losing weight and I knew better. I knew that baking would only be a trigger for me. So I stayed away from it.
I had a package that I was going to be mailing for a girlfriend and decided that I wanted to also add some baked goods and I would never just add store bought. When I bake I do it to show my friends and family my love and appreciation for them. So I decided to bake. I figured I could handle this!
So I baked!! I made 5 different kinds of cookies and peanut brittle and I will just leave it at that. No need to list everything off or give pictures and make your mouths water and give you triggers. That would would not be a very nice thing to do! I figured I could handle it! I was oh sooooo very wrong!!!!!
Today was weigh day!! I gained 2 pounds! Back to 182.5
I went to dinner with Jack on Sunday night and we went and had Mexican food. I figured while I was at it might as well end with a bang! WELL NOT REALLY...! That is just where we ended up eating but the fact that I ate like 15 cookies I was not nit picking on how many chips and salsa I would eat.
While on our way home a few hours later because I had went shopping and stuff later. I said yah know I really should NOT be hungry but I AM!! He said yah know I was thinking the same thing. I said it is because we have been eating nothing but CRAP!! Our bodies are on this sugar high and our bodies are craving nothing but junk food and carbs.I even got a McDonald's ice cream cone before coming home.OMGGGGG
I could totally beat myself up about this. I was for sure that I had seen the last of 182 and here I sit right back at 182.5. I mean I have beat myself up enough to NEVER NEVER NEVERRRR do this again. But I am also not going to tear myself apart. I have done enough of tearing myself apart in my lifetime.
There is one person in my life besides my husband Jack that tells me I am beautiful and compliments me on my looks. Even if it's said to me over and over it does not resonate with me because I myself have never believed it. So no matter who pays me a compliment it makes me VERY uncomfortable!! I don't even really know what to say back. Just saying thanks seems very strange because even that does not sound right because I really DON'T appreciate it. That sounds horrible!!! It's just that I don't believe it! If that makes sense? Kind of like if someone was to say you know what....I really think that you have a nice car but you are driving a piece of crap 1980 that was passed down to you from your brother in HS. You are still driving it to this day..Now you say thanks just to be polite. Well that is what I do when someone pays me a compliment.
Maybe one day I will be OK in my own skin but I am not there yet!
I am getting there. There was a time that I hated anyone taking a picture of me and now I actually like taking progress pictures. This is my most recent taken on Sunday. I was having a bad hair day.. See I still have to pick at myself in some way.. I am working on it! What can I say!
|BLACK ONES ARE MY OLD ONES!|
|Underneath ones are old!|
|These are the tops that I bought that go with to mix and match.|