Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 4 of 30 Days in pictures and MS will not beat me!

Day 4 A picture of my night!

Now I kinda forgot to do this!
Last night was kinda a lazy do nothing go to bed early,lay in bed, read fitness kinda night!
There is only one thing I did do and here it is..  By the way..the tatoo is fake..We have a bunch of them

I have been so bad the last couple of days of tracking what I am eating. I am doing OK on what I am eating. I thing I am just rebelling..First I go through this losing steam and then what was I thinking with Alli..??

I just have a lot on my mind right now!

I woke up this morning and was crying before I even got out of bed.
MS takes so much out of me. Some days I just need a really good cry and today was one of those days.
Call it what you want. Feeling sorry for myself. Whatever you want. For me it is being fed up!
Being sick and fing tired of not being able to live my life like everyone else.
I am sure you all wake up on a Saturday morning and plan your day? Am I right?
I wake up on a Saturday morning and lay on the sofa for 4 hours before I can even move again and usually have to take another nap and then maybe I can make plans to do something.
So on Friday nights me and Jack will make "Saturday plans" then I wake up feeling like shit as always and I FING hate it!!!! I don't know why I am so surprised it happens everyday..Wishful thinking I guess!

I really love my Neurologist and the NP I am seeing when I go. She is doing what she can to try and help me the best she can to see that I have the best life possible. Living with an illness such as MS is really hard and especially hard since to everyone around you, you seem fine because they can't see it. Everything is going on inside of your body.

It's a scary disease to have..I have been having a lot of vision issues that just keep getting worse. I have gotten to the point where when I read at night I am closing my right eye because my vision is so double. My neurologist tells me that with the new MRI I am having it will show how much swelling there is that will determine why I am having that.

I have started to receive the things that I need for my daily shots. They send you something so that you can stick the needle inside of it and then you push a button and it gives the shot for you. I hate that thing and never used it before. It shoots it really fast..But anyways. I just don't get why they ship everything separately!

I never should have went off of my shots..The reason why I did was because my shots are so freaking painful. Not the actual shot but afterwards. They burn so bad for HOURS!!! I dread the shot!!! When I went and seen my nuro a few months back we had talked about me going back on them and he explained to me that if I were to develop a new symptom I cant go back. But if I am on the shots they can hopefully prevent those new symptoms. Well in those few months..I developed a new symptom and I am very upset about it..One of my many reasons for being upset this morning! I angry and pissed off at myself and hate having this disease. But it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it!

My hope is that some day it lightens up on me a bit..Gives me a breather every now and then.
I hope that by losing weight it improves my health and that improves my MS.
I am also hoping that by eating a clean diet no processed food that it also helps.
I think that I can be more strict with this and I have a lot more to learn. So if anyone has any information for me I would love to know about it..A book,website, or store..?

I have been eating healthy now for about 6 months and so far I am not noticing a difference in the way that I feel. I need to pick up some books on clean eating.

Today me and Jack are going to whole food. I am going to look for PB2 and coconut oil..If there is anything that I should look for please let me know..

My hope is 6 months from now I can look back and feel like a different person..If any of you knew where I am at right now...You would know I have I have a very long road ahead of me.


  1. Your a fighter which is awesome!! You've taken steps to help you in your fight. And you have a lot of people behind you cheering you on :)

  2. I am hoping Copaxone does wonders for your MS!

  3. LOVING ALL THE BLOG CHANGES!!!! It looks great!

  4. I hope your medication works... (((huggggsss)))) to you... You're a strong woman, and I admire you...

  5. I hope it gets better soon. You are a strong woman.

    I gave you an award over on my blog :)

  6. I'm so sorry, Renea. :( I hope the shots and medication bring you the much-needed relief you need. You're in my prayers. *Hugs*

  7. I'm so sorry for the pain you're in every single day, I know it has to suck!
    I feel the same way about my Type 1 Diabetes, I F'ing hate it! This year, I'm accepting it. That's it, it's part of me and I will always have it, so I've got to give in and embrace it.
    I'm not in pain like you, so there is no comparison, but giving myself shots 5 times a day pretty much sucks too!

    I hope your days get better, and by the way, your toes look cute (and I hate feet). LOL

    By the way, I've been eating clean for over 4 months now and I have a great book for you, it's called The Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno. It's how I got started, very good read...and a must if you wanna live this lifestyle.
    Clean eating saved my Diabetes. My doc can't even believe it.

    I'm now a new follower of your blog!!


  8. I feel you on the rebellion thing; it's like we go in cycles. We get fed up with the plateau so we turn into diet-natzi's and have a really great week or two and then we start to slide...and if we don't slide at the very least we want to more than usual.

    I felt it this week too. Today I got really depressed and frustrated because Temptation wanted to "go out" again to a sports bar no less to watch the steeler's game and I went with a side order of chips and pico for a meal because, as good as the salad was last night, who wants to eat the same supper twice in a row right? And of course I wanted the nacho's but knew I shouldn't get them again, not if we're sport's barring tomorrow with our friends. I just got angry, not at him but at the situation in general and he said it frustrates him to; not frustration with me but with having to watch me torture myself by ordering salad in a sports bar that reeks of fried food. I used to be able to enjoy two or three glasses of wine on an occasional evening for the simple fact that it was in my fridge and I didn't have to work the next morning ... now even one glass feels like I'm breaking some kind of rule and I HATE IT! Anyhow ... yeah ... I totally sympathize with you.

  9. My hubby has started me on the primal blueprint. It's all about eliminating processed food from your diet (this includes milk, pasta, grains). The basic idea is if a caveman could eat it, then you can it's a lot of just meats and veggies - all natural stuff. I've been feeling better overall since I've started cutting the processed stuff out of my diet.


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